I walked out of the classroom, repeating "Holy Sh**!" in my mind. I had just received my grade for the writing assignment I had done for my Judaism, Christianity, and Islam class.
I had gotten a C-
At Uni High, we celebrate our talents. We are challenged. We discuss ideas, break them down, reform them with new understandings. We calculate, analyze, and create. The teachers tirelessly give everything to further our educations. We walk across the stage on a beautiful day in May, graduation caps and glows. We leave Uni High changed, mostly for the better.
At Uni High, we don't talk about mistakes or mess-ups enough.
I don't know when I became my worst critic. Possibly when I started taking the SSATs. Possibly when I started Montessori when I was 4. Possibly I was born that way. All I know is that whenever I do something wrong, less than stellar, not up to par, or even slightly off, I will beat myself about it. Today was no different. I convinced myself this afternoon that I was the dumbest person on this planet, that I could never possibly succeed as a History major, that I was worthless, that I couldn't write, and worst of all, that I was embarrassed to be Celinda.
A part of me realizes that I am a bit melodramatic. But in all sincerity, how did I become a person who sobs over one assignment, and who convinces themselves that they are stupid? I began to worry. Do many Uni kids beat themselves up when they make mistakes? Do people in general criticize themselves until they actually believe they are worthless?
I will tell you the truth. I want to delete this entire blog post. I want to crawl into my bed. I want to pretend that I never got that grade. But I am not going to do any of those things. Instead, I am going to take a stand right now. I want you all to know that I didn't do so hot on this assignment (C-, just in case you or I forgot), but it's OKAY.
We mess up. We let people down. We forget things. We don't finish things. We make mistakes. We don't do our best. The key word though is WE. We, as in people, are not perfect. And I don't think anyone should strive to be.
That isn't to say lessons can't be learned here. I now know to read more carefully the expectations. I know to take my time with the next assignment. I know that I might need to go talk to my professor. I now know that a Uni High diploma doesn't mean you're somehow immune to hard work or challenges. But a lesson can be learned about being imperfect.
I lose things a lot. I sometimes forget to read an assignment or to do the online Spanish homework. I eat too many sweets. I tend to gossip. I can be selfish. I can be mean. I can be melodramatic. I can't, for the life of me, whistle. I could spend forever and a day breaking myself down, finding every wrong angle, every shadow in my being. But in the grand scheme of things, being your worst enemy can obscure the fact that you are also your best friend.
I got an A on the Judaism test. I got a perfect on my project for School and Society. I went to work today. I woke up on time. I had all my homework done. I helped a friend get a job. I ate lunch and drank water.
What I am getting at here is that life is a balancing act. Don't forget that you are imperfect. Acknowledging that you are imperfect means that you are humble and that you are willing to change and grow and learn. Be aware when you make a mistake or when you hurt someone. Work actively to try to right the wrong or to apologize. But also remember that you are unique and wacky and cool. Remember why you bring a little sunshine into this world. Remember all those assignments you kicked ass on, all those games or recitals you performed wonderfully at, all the lives you have have changed for the better.
I want you all to remember that for every A you get, for every assignment you worked hard on, you will get a bad grade or bad report also. I'm terrified to tell you all that I got a C-, because I wanted to show teachers, faculty, students, and parents alike that I am thriving in college. But, I would be lying to everyone including myself, if I didn't show you when college can be hard or frustrating. The truth is, I can only thrive in college when I acknowledge and learn from my mistakes AND when I celebrate and replicate my successes.
I got a C- today, but I learned a life lesson. And in the grand scheme of my life, the lesson means so much more.
Much Love,
Celinda Davis, and proud to be her.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Weekly Roundup 3
Wow...I feel like I have been here forever...
Anyways, sometime this week (knock on wood) I am going to do a very important blog post about promises, parties, drama, a sweeping overview of social life at college (because I apparently am an expert lol). I also plan on changing my weekly roundups to Sunday officially, because that's when I do them anyways :]
5 Best Things This Week:
1) I had a fun and social weekend! 2 parties y'all (tear, I'm growing up!)
2) Bonding with my friend from Spanish
3) A really successful project in School and Society
4) I got like 15 people to sign up for APO's Blood Drive!
5) APO SCAVENGER HUNT
(Bonus one: Talking to Lisa Micele this afternoon! Miss you all, you crazy Uni people)
5 Worst Things This Week:
1) I have had a headache all day...
2) Some drama happened this weekend, where I let someone down
3) I didn't do my first blog for Christianity
4) Boys.
5) Being super busy all the time
Most Embarrassing Moment This Week:
I convinced myself on Friday that a desk was a left handed desk. Then when I sat in the desk in the row behind, I was confused for like 30 seconds how they could be aligning...*facepalm*
Words of Wisdom:
I will explain this in more depth on my special topic blog coming up, but don't make a promise you know you can't or don't want to keep. On that same note, know that you will break promises or mess up. It's human. Don't beat yourself up, like I have been doing all day. To err is human. Someone famous said that :D
3 Most Essential Items This Week:
1) Money. Honestly, most of this week I had $5 in my bank account. I missed money lol
2) Time Management Skills. Intangible, but essential. You need to learn how to divide and conquer with homework and extracurriculars in college!
3) Water. Drink plenty of water. Completely general, hypothetical tip, if you drink, drink plenty of water alongside it. You'll get dehydrated and get a headache!
Most Interesting Discovery This Week:
Academic: Jesus in the Gospel of Mark cures people, but then tells them not to announce that fact. They ignore him though, and Jesus becomes famous in Nazareth and the surrounding area.
Social: Improv kids are some of the funniest kids. Ever.
Best Food in the Caf:
Soft shelled tacos, with guac and hot peppers. MMMMM.
My Weekend:
Well...it was eventful :] APO SCAVENGER HUNT Y'ALL. Then, I went to parties, went shopping on Saturday, did my laundry, and did all my homework today (BLEGH).
And, we bid adieu to another fascinating week in the life of Celinda Kimberly Davis
Much Love,
...Celinda :D
Anyways, sometime this week (knock on wood) I am going to do a very important blog post about promises, parties, drama, a sweeping overview of social life at college (because I apparently am an expert lol). I also plan on changing my weekly roundups to Sunday officially, because that's when I do them anyways :]
5 Best Things This Week:
1) I had a fun and social weekend! 2 parties y'all (tear, I'm growing up!)
2) Bonding with my friend from Spanish
3) A really successful project in School and Society
4) I got like 15 people to sign up for APO's Blood Drive!
5) APO SCAVENGER HUNT
(Bonus one: Talking to Lisa Micele this afternoon! Miss you all, you crazy Uni people)
5 Worst Things This Week:
1) I have had a headache all day...
2) Some drama happened this weekend, where I let someone down
3) I didn't do my first blog for Christianity
4) Boys.
5) Being super busy all the time
Most Embarrassing Moment This Week:
I convinced myself on Friday that a desk was a left handed desk. Then when I sat in the desk in the row behind, I was confused for like 30 seconds how they could be aligning...*facepalm*
Words of Wisdom:
I will explain this in more depth on my special topic blog coming up, but don't make a promise you know you can't or don't want to keep. On that same note, know that you will break promises or mess up. It's human. Don't beat yourself up, like I have been doing all day. To err is human. Someone famous said that :D
3 Most Essential Items This Week:
1) Money. Honestly, most of this week I had $5 in my bank account. I missed money lol
2) Time Management Skills. Intangible, but essential. You need to learn how to divide and conquer with homework and extracurriculars in college!
3) Water. Drink plenty of water. Completely general, hypothetical tip, if you drink, drink plenty of water alongside it. You'll get dehydrated and get a headache!
Most Interesting Discovery This Week:
Academic: Jesus in the Gospel of Mark cures people, but then tells them not to announce that fact. They ignore him though, and Jesus becomes famous in Nazareth and the surrounding area.
Social: Improv kids are some of the funniest kids. Ever.
Best Food in the Caf:
Soft shelled tacos, with guac and hot peppers. MMMMM.
My Weekend:
Well...it was eventful :] APO SCAVENGER HUNT Y'ALL. Then, I went to parties, went shopping on Saturday, did my laundry, and did all my homework today (BLEGH).
And, we bid adieu to another fascinating week in the life of Celinda Kimberly Davis
Much Love,
...Celinda :D
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Weekly Roundup 2
*SIGH* It's been a long week, which is my reason for not blogging Friday night, or last night. But, I am in a better, healthier, and happier mood, so time to blog!
The 5 Best Things This Week:
1) I got a 100% on my second School and Society paper
2) I played Just Dance 2 for an hour and a half
3) I got an A on my big Spanish oral exam
4) I had Helmut's delicious Tirimasu today
5) I finally worked out!
The 5 Worst Things This Week:
1) I had a ton of homework and stress
2) I haven't really spoken up in my classes
3) I've been wearing nail polish nonstop since September, and I decided to give them a break. Now they're all breaking >:[
4) I was angry and reckless feeling yesterday evening (don't worry all, didn't do anything stupid)
5) I haven't been doing so well from eating sugary treats
Most Embarrassing Moment This Week:
I hugged a vending machine.
Words of Wisdom:
Don't be afraid to speak up in discussion classes! Plenty of things can hold even the most talkative people back. I have been panicking in my School and Society class because there are no wrong answers. It's like talking to Mr. Vaughn, except the class is full of people you don't know (or in my case, people I know and don't want to embarrass myself in front of). Or, you could be afraid to embarrass yourself, to say a wrong answer, you're tired, you don't care about the class, or you feel unprepared. But, the only way to overcome your fear of speaking in class is to speak up in class. Part of learning is to be wrong. In a competitive environment like Uni, familial pressure, or self-pressure we sometimes convince ourselves that wrong is bad. But often you must be wrong in order to become right. So speak up, be wrong, and learn a little :] It's my plan this week.
3 Most Essential Items This Week:
1) Syllabi. You should actually look at one from time to time, instead of thinking you know the assignment like me...forgot to do Friday's reading in Judaism. No wonder I was confused.
2) A space to decompress. I found that my suite is not conducive to calming me down when I am mad or sad. Fortunately, walking around, or sitting in the student lounge helps.
3) An editor. Sometimes you just need a second pair of eyes for editing papers!
Most Interesting Discovery This Week:
Academic: Judaism, at least in the beginning or some kinds of it, embraced the Enlightenment and didn't see it as destructive to the religion.
Social: Just Dance is really good for dispelling bad moods and is good exercise.
Best Food in the Caf:
Not a caf food but a C-Store item. CHOCOLATE COVERED PRETZELS Y'ALL. Hershey's chocolate to be exact. Heaven in a bag :D
Plans for the Weekend:
Um, well, I haD a good weekend. Friday I went on a field trip to the local temple. Saturday I slept in, watched Clueless and in the afternoon had an adventure. Today I have done laundry and some homework. Tonight, we have a Pledging Ceremony for APO!! :D It's weird being on the other side, as an active member...
And that my friends, is another week at Knox College, Galesburg, Il, 61401!
Much Love,
Celinda :]
The 5 Best Things This Week:
1) I got a 100% on my second School and Society paper
2) I played Just Dance 2 for an hour and a half
3) I got an A on my big Spanish oral exam
4) I had Helmut's delicious Tirimasu today
5) I finally worked out!
The 5 Worst Things This Week:
1) I had a ton of homework and stress
2) I haven't really spoken up in my classes
3) I've been wearing nail polish nonstop since September, and I decided to give them a break. Now they're all breaking >:[
4) I was angry and reckless feeling yesterday evening (don't worry all, didn't do anything stupid)
5) I haven't been doing so well from eating sugary treats
Most Embarrassing Moment This Week:
I hugged a vending machine.
Words of Wisdom:
Don't be afraid to speak up in discussion classes! Plenty of things can hold even the most talkative people back. I have been panicking in my School and Society class because there are no wrong answers. It's like talking to Mr. Vaughn, except the class is full of people you don't know (or in my case, people I know and don't want to embarrass myself in front of). Or, you could be afraid to embarrass yourself, to say a wrong answer, you're tired, you don't care about the class, or you feel unprepared. But, the only way to overcome your fear of speaking in class is to speak up in class. Part of learning is to be wrong. In a competitive environment like Uni, familial pressure, or self-pressure we sometimes convince ourselves that wrong is bad. But often you must be wrong in order to become right. So speak up, be wrong, and learn a little :] It's my plan this week.
3 Most Essential Items This Week:
1) Syllabi. You should actually look at one from time to time, instead of thinking you know the assignment like me...forgot to do Friday's reading in Judaism. No wonder I was confused.
2) A space to decompress. I found that my suite is not conducive to calming me down when I am mad or sad. Fortunately, walking around, or sitting in the student lounge helps.
3) An editor. Sometimes you just need a second pair of eyes for editing papers!
Most Interesting Discovery This Week:
Academic: Judaism, at least in the beginning or some kinds of it, embraced the Enlightenment and didn't see it as destructive to the religion.
Social: Just Dance is really good for dispelling bad moods and is good exercise.
Best Food in the Caf:
Not a caf food but a C-Store item. CHOCOLATE COVERED PRETZELS Y'ALL. Hershey's chocolate to be exact. Heaven in a bag :D
Plans for the Weekend:
Um, well, I haD a good weekend. Friday I went on a field trip to the local temple. Saturday I slept in, watched Clueless and in the afternoon had an adventure. Today I have done laundry and some homework. Tonight, we have a Pledging Ceremony for APO!! :D It's weird being on the other side, as an active member...
And that my friends, is another week at Knox College, Galesburg, Il, 61401!
Much Love,
Celinda :]
Friday, January 13, 2012
Weekly Roundup 1: Winter Wonderland Edition
SNOWWWWW EVERYONE!
I might be the ripe old age of 17 now, but I still love snow. I might or might not have thrown a snowball at my friend on the way to class today. And I might or might not have thrown a large amount of it in the air out of joy...
Before I get into my weekly roundup, I want to extend a deeply felt, absolutely sincere thank you to my teachers at Uni High. This week has been a little bumpy as I adjust to the academic levels asked by an institution of higher learning. However, the skill sets and breadth of knowledge I received at Uni High made it a successful week. I want to specifically thank Mr. Mitchell, Mr. Rayburn, and Mr. Vaughn for teaching me how to argue a position and write a clear thesis statement. On an assignment I did for School and Society, the teacher wrote "I like that you take a strong position here". He also wrote that the assignment overall was good, that I took a clear position and defended it well. So, thank you so much for being such amazing teachers. I am very blessed that I had the honor of being your student.
Anyways, time for my first weekly roundup in Winter Term!
5 Best Things This Week:
1) I got a 4 out of 5 on my first Education Class assignment!
2) It snowed! FINALLY!
3) My lovely friends Heather and Cristina visited :]
4) I got all ten hours of work this week
5) I finally understand direct and indirect object pronouns en Espanol lol
5 Worst Things This Week:
1) I went to bed really late Monday and Tuesday night because of Spanish HW
2) I got sick bleghhhhhh
3) I didn't really talk in either of my new classes this week :/
4) It snowed...so cold and windy!
5) I haven't gone to the gym yet, like I planned
Most Embarrassing Moment This Week:
So, as previously mentioned, I'm sick guys. And yesterday I was working in the morning, with just one of adult employees and another student worker. This means the office was quiet. Anyways, I was working on checking and sending out letters, and there were a lot of them, when I suddenly started coughing, and I. COULD. NOT. STOP. When 10:30 came around, I hadn't finished, but I had to go to class. I had been coughing for like two minutes now, and it was so loud in the quiet office. Even worse, I had been coughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. Long story short, I had to inform both the employee and the student worker that I wasn't done but I had to go, all the while looking like it broke my damn heart....LOL at my life guys. L.O.L.
Words of Wisdom:
Don't stretch yourself too thin. You only have so much to give to the world before you start half-assing things, or hurting yourself. For a personal example, I volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club, take three classes (two of which are reading/writing intensive and one that is a language), I volunteer with Blessings in a Backpack, AND I am an active member of APO. So basically? I do a ton of stuff. I almost decided to volunteer tutor at the alternative school in town, but I realize I don't have the ENERGY. So, think depth, not breadth. Give your time meaningfully to a few activities, whether that is a sport, a literary magazine, or a volunteer opportunity, rather than stretching yourself thin by doing EVERYTHING.
3 Most Essential Items This Week:
1) Cough Drops. My throat was killing me for like four days, and these helped.
2) Drowsy Cold and Flu meds. College dorms are notoriously loud, and the medication helps you sleep as well as hold back your symptoms.
3) Gloves/Hats/etc. If you are going to a college that has cold winters, definitely invest in good winter gear. You are outside a lot--walking to and from class, to the dorm, to the cafeteria, to the gym, etc. Be smart and dress warm, so you don't catch a cold!
Most Interesting Discovery This Week:
Academic: "Judaism" has actually gone through multiple stages throughout history--Ancient Israelite Religion, Second Temple Judaism, Rabbinic Judaism, etc.
Social: Even though I seem like an introvert, not going out much, I am actually very happy with my life. I've got a great set of friends, and plenty of nice acquaintances :]
Best Food Item In The Caf:
Not so much food or an item that is made, but Peppermint Tea is DELICIOUS yo :]
Plans For The Weekend:
Sleep...sleep? Um...oh, sleep! A lot of sleep, a sprinkling of homework, an Agatha Christie novel I am in the middle of, APO meeting, and possibly a Target run. So, actually, fairly relaxed.
And, that is a week (well, the first FULL week) at Knox College, Winter Term!
Keep Posted,
Celinda :]
I might be the ripe old age of 17 now, but I still love snow. I might or might not have thrown a snowball at my friend on the way to class today. And I might or might not have thrown a large amount of it in the air out of joy...
Before I get into my weekly roundup, I want to extend a deeply felt, absolutely sincere thank you to my teachers at Uni High. This week has been a little bumpy as I adjust to the academic levels asked by an institution of higher learning. However, the skill sets and breadth of knowledge I received at Uni High made it a successful week. I want to specifically thank Mr. Mitchell, Mr. Rayburn, and Mr. Vaughn for teaching me how to argue a position and write a clear thesis statement. On an assignment I did for School and Society, the teacher wrote "I like that you take a strong position here". He also wrote that the assignment overall was good, that I took a clear position and defended it well. So, thank you so much for being such amazing teachers. I am very blessed that I had the honor of being your student.
Anyways, time for my first weekly roundup in Winter Term!
5 Best Things This Week:
1) I got a 4 out of 5 on my first Education Class assignment!
2) It snowed! FINALLY!
3) My lovely friends Heather and Cristina visited :]
4) I got all ten hours of work this week
5) I finally understand direct and indirect object pronouns en Espanol lol
5 Worst Things This Week:
1) I went to bed really late Monday and Tuesday night because of Spanish HW
2) I got sick bleghhhhhh
3) I didn't really talk in either of my new classes this week :/
4) It snowed...so cold and windy!
5) I haven't gone to the gym yet, like I planned
Most Embarrassing Moment This Week:
So, as previously mentioned, I'm sick guys. And yesterday I was working in the morning, with just one of adult employees and another student worker. This means the office was quiet. Anyways, I was working on checking and sending out letters, and there were a lot of them, when I suddenly started coughing, and I. COULD. NOT. STOP. When 10:30 came around, I hadn't finished, but I had to go to class. I had been coughing for like two minutes now, and it was so loud in the quiet office. Even worse, I had been coughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. Long story short, I had to inform both the employee and the student worker that I wasn't done but I had to go, all the while looking like it broke my damn heart....LOL at my life guys. L.O.L.
Words of Wisdom:
Don't stretch yourself too thin. You only have so much to give to the world before you start half-assing things, or hurting yourself. For a personal example, I volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club, take three classes (two of which are reading/writing intensive and one that is a language), I volunteer with Blessings in a Backpack, AND I am an active member of APO. So basically? I do a ton of stuff. I almost decided to volunteer tutor at the alternative school in town, but I realize I don't have the ENERGY. So, think depth, not breadth. Give your time meaningfully to a few activities, whether that is a sport, a literary magazine, or a volunteer opportunity, rather than stretching yourself thin by doing EVERYTHING.
3 Most Essential Items This Week:
1) Cough Drops. My throat was killing me for like four days, and these helped.
2) Drowsy Cold and Flu meds. College dorms are notoriously loud, and the medication helps you sleep as well as hold back your symptoms.
3) Gloves/Hats/etc. If you are going to a college that has cold winters, definitely invest in good winter gear. You are outside a lot--walking to and from class, to the dorm, to the cafeteria, to the gym, etc. Be smart and dress warm, so you don't catch a cold!
Most Interesting Discovery This Week:
Academic: "Judaism" has actually gone through multiple stages throughout history--Ancient Israelite Religion, Second Temple Judaism, Rabbinic Judaism, etc.
Social: Even though I seem like an introvert, not going out much, I am actually very happy with my life. I've got a great set of friends, and plenty of nice acquaintances :]
Best Food Item In The Caf:
Not so much food or an item that is made, but Peppermint Tea is DELICIOUS yo :]
Plans For The Weekend:
Sleep...sleep? Um...oh, sleep! A lot of sleep, a sprinkling of homework, an Agatha Christie novel I am in the middle of, APO meeting, and possibly a Target run. So, actually, fairly relaxed.
And, that is a week (well, the first FULL week) at Knox College, Winter Term!
Keep Posted,
Celinda :]
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
New Term, New Celinda? Maybe?
Well, I had a wonderful break! Unfortunately, it's over.
...
I have two new classes to introduce! I am taking School and Society, which is the first required class for my Education major :D I am also taking Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, which is a 100 level class towards my other major of History! So, new classes, new experiences.
I am also an active member of APO, which is groovy. I can vote on things, like bylaws...whoo?
AND...I'm sick.
That's right, I am a week and a half in and I got sick. What is this?
But anyways, I want to just have a quick blog kind of announcing what to expect this term from your favorite College Blogger!
-The Adventures of Celinda's Weekends: I might actually go out more this term. We'll see. I'm kinda lazy lol
-Celinda and Her Majors: I am actually taking classes in the subjects I have said I will major in. This term is important then, because I might want to change my mind. It happens!
-Guest Blogs: I hope to get more perspectives!
-Information Pertaining College First Term: I have now officially lived through a term, so I am in a better position to give tips about moving in, the first term, friends, volunteering, classes, etc.
And much more! So, stay tuned, because I'm back for Winter Term and things are going to get CRAZY.
Love,
Celinda :]
...
I have two new classes to introduce! I am taking School and Society, which is the first required class for my Education major :D I am also taking Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, which is a 100 level class towards my other major of History! So, new classes, new experiences.
I am also an active member of APO, which is groovy. I can vote on things, like bylaws...whoo?
AND...I'm sick.
That's right, I am a week and a half in and I got sick. What is this?
But anyways, I want to just have a quick blog kind of announcing what to expect this term from your favorite College Blogger!
-The Adventures of Celinda's Weekends: I might actually go out more this term. We'll see. I'm kinda lazy lol
-Celinda and Her Majors: I am actually taking classes in the subjects I have said I will major in. This term is important then, because I might want to change my mind. It happens!
-Guest Blogs: I hope to get more perspectives!
-Information Pertaining College First Term: I have now officially lived through a term, so I am in a better position to give tips about moving in, the first term, friends, volunteering, classes, etc.
And much more! So, stay tuned, because I'm back for Winter Term and things are going to get CRAZY.
Love,
Celinda :]
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