Lessons Learned

I walked out of the classroom, repeating "Holy Sh**!" in my mind. I had just received my grade for the writing assignment I had done for my Judaism, Christianity, and Islam class.

I had gotten a C-

At Uni High, we celebrate our talents. We are challenged. We discuss ideas, break them down, reform them with new understandings. We calculate, analyze, and create. The teachers tirelessly give everything to further our educations. We walk across the stage on a beautiful day in May, graduation caps and glows. We leave Uni High changed, mostly for the better.

At Uni High, we don't talk about mistakes or mess-ups enough.

I don't know when I became my worst critic. Possibly when I started taking the SSATs. Possibly when I started Montessori when I was 4. Possibly I was born that way. All I know is that whenever I do something wrong, less than stellar, not up to par, or even slightly off, I will beat myself about it. Today was no different. I convinced myself this afternoon that I was the dumbest person on this planet, that I could never possibly succeed as a History major, that I was worthless, that I couldn't write, and worst of all, that I was embarrassed to be Celinda.

A part of me realizes that I am a bit melodramatic. But in all sincerity, how did I become a person who sobs over one assignment, and who convinces themselves that they are stupid? I began to worry. Do many Uni kids beat themselves up when they make mistakes? Do people in general criticize themselves until they actually believe they are worthless?

I will tell you the truth. I want to delete this entire blog post. I want to crawl into my bed. I want to pretend that I never got that grade. But I am not going to do any of those things. Instead, I am going to take a stand right now. I want you all to know that I didn't do so hot on this assignment (C-, just in case you or I forgot), but it's OKAY.

We mess up. We let people down. We forget things. We don't finish things. We make mistakes. We don't do our best. The key word though is WE. We, as in people, are not perfect. And I don't think anyone should strive to be.

That isn't to say lessons can't be learned here. I now know to read more carefully the expectations. I know to take my time with the next assignment. I know that I might need to go talk to my professor. I now know that a Uni High diploma doesn't mean you're somehow immune to hard work or challenges. But a lesson can be learned about being imperfect.

I lose things a lot. I sometimes forget to read an assignment or to do the online Spanish homework. I eat too many sweets. I tend to gossip. I can be selfish. I can be mean. I can be melodramatic. I can't, for the life of me, whistle. I could spend forever and a day breaking myself down, finding every wrong angle, every shadow in my being. But in the grand scheme of things, being your worst enemy can obscure the fact that you are also your best friend.

I got an A on the Judaism test. I got a perfect on my project for School and Society. I went to work today. I woke up on time. I had all my homework done. I helped a friend get a job. I ate lunch and drank water.

What I am getting at here is that life is a balancing act. Don't forget that you are imperfect. Acknowledging that you are imperfect means that you are humble and that you are willing to change and grow and learn. Be aware when you make a mistake or when you hurt someone. Work actively to try to right the wrong or to apologize. But also remember that you are unique and wacky and cool. Remember why you bring a little sunshine into this world. Remember all those assignments you kicked ass on, all those games or recitals you performed wonderfully at, all the lives you have have changed for the better.

I want you all to remember that for every A you get, for every assignment you worked hard on, you will get a bad grade or bad report also. I'm terrified to tell you all that I got a C-, because I wanted to show teachers, faculty, students, and parents alike that I am thriving in college. But, I would be lying to everyone including myself, if I didn't show you when college can be hard or frustrating. The truth is, I can only thrive in college when I acknowledge and learn from my mistakes AND when I celebrate and replicate my successes.

I got a C- today, but I learned a life lesson. And in the grand scheme of my life, the lesson means so much more.

Much Love,
Celinda Davis, and proud to be her.