Loserville, Population: Me

I. AM. A. LOSER.

Why? Because I rather do my biology homework on a Saturday night than go out to a frat party. I know where this party is. I know people going. I still refuse to go. Why?
Because I'm a loser who knows what I'm comfortable with.

I hate partying. Not the, let's bake cookies or watch a movie or even dance in Zach K-G's basement parties. I actually love hanging out with people. I love making jokes. I love eating. No, I hate the parties where you go out to be wild and to get drunk. I hate drunk people. I've been exposed with what long term alcohol does to people and relationships, so I hate drinking. I don't mind a drink or two. I have known plenty of people who drink from time to time and lead productive, healthy lives. No, I hate hard core partying. And it's really hard for me to be that person right now.

Half my suite mates are going out to party tonight. They look beautiful and adorable and perfect. And I'm sitting here in my double ponytails, my UFU shirt, and my bio homework. They will have an amazing night and I will have a lonely night. I am half tempted to put makeup on, put on booty shorts and a tank top, and go out just so I appear social. I would be miserable doing it, but at least I wouldn't sit here in my loneliness. I want to go home so bad, it hurts. I have literally no money to spend, so I'm stranded in Galesburg. I literally feel most comfortable with homework. I can't wait for the weekend to end, so I don't feel like a loser anymore. It's hard to be a loser when you're busy with school and work and extracurriculars. I wish the organizations I gave my email to will just email me so I can have something else to do.

It's hard to talk to people here sometimes. Even people I thought weren't into partying were like "I guess I'll check out the party at Beta...." and I just want to scream to the heavens "No one is making you go! It's okay not to go!"
But is it okay not to go? Is it okay not to have anything to do on a Saturday night but think? Is it okay to skip out on parties if you're not comfortable going?

It's been a week since I got here. And it's been a really emotional week because it's been a really long time since I have felt so much like a loser. At Uni I felt comfortable talking to people. Even at my shyest, I still felt generally okay. I had friends no matter what. Friends that would wait for you, or inquire where you are. I had friends who I had a million jokes with. I know it's only the first week, but I'm looking at the next four years with terror. Because I'm really afraid of being alone.

Many of you will go to college and feel completely comfortable. I know many of my friends are at their respective schools. Maybe they are better at social settings than I am. Maybe it's the people they're with. Maybe it's the timing. Who knows why. What I do know is, if you ever feel that way, I'm saying right now that it's okay to be a loser. Because though you might feel lonely, you are safe and you a comfortable. I know I'll be okay, and I will be pretty happy tonight because I chose NOT to go. Yes, I'm missing out on an opportunity to experience a frat party. But there is plenty of things I won't experience. Hopefully, there will be plenty of opportunities to experience all the things I actually want to do.

Honestly, if the reason for me going to a frat party tonight is "Well, I've never experienced a frat party, I should go to at least one", then I rather be the loser who stays here with homework, then goes to bed at a reasonable hour.

Much love,
Mayor of Loserville